King Louie

He tried to own me,
So I followed him.
I comforted myself,
He ignored me.
Goodnight baby,
I just followed you.
To your drowning efforts,
To have me love you.

By: Brandy Ruiz

How Much Would It Cost?

The troops,
The heart,
It's the children,
Her heart beats for the children,
Drumming drunkenly solely for them, Brandy,
was her name,
Her rest lies in your heart,
She searches for a love and to be taken care of.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Short Memo

I open my phone and read a memo my niece, Megan, wrote. She knows my password. She writes: oliviarocks. My niece, Olivia, is a tiny star brightening all the works of man. I leave the memo on my phone. But I'm deleting it.

Manteca and Beans: Are You Watching Your Brain Fry?

Have you ever watched your world a second time, with déjà vu feelings? You have the ability to remember where you’re at but you are very much able to change the situation by recalling the sequence of events in order, maybe forgetting one; and in doing so, you could be experiencing something: Your brain recreating and materializing before your eyes. You fear, you test, you have a good or bad time, but you've already been there, somehow. Sometimes, other times, imagination isn’t enough to change the déjà vu.

This social interaction is mind over matter. Or rather it is an event containing an altercation. When wanting to change the situation you look around and count the steps of the event and feel like you’re having an out of body experience. Wanting to fit in you make moves that our body could use in the future. Making moves is eating air. It fits. It’s these moves that determine our eventful life. Eating air is essential to survive. Imagine the steps and stored food for later.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Thongs for Sale

She had a backpack with a binder and a couple of things, including candy, led pencils, and thongs. She had school friends. She knew some of the neighbor hood kids too. They played and chatted.

Her grandma brought her mother clothes. Lots of different type of clothes: bras, underwear, shirts, pants, blouses, and socks. One day she saw the assortment of underwear and wondered how her friends might buy them from her at school. Her mom let her take some thongs to sale. They were beautiful. Maybe the turquoises were prettier than the pink kind.

She loved school, her friends, and the job she gave herself. She was unsure but brave. She asked her classmates in gym class, where she watched girls undress and never, ever, did she see even once saw one of the girls wearing a thong. It was eighth grade by the way. Still, a thong would make a girl feel pretty. The lace, the colors, the price was two for five dollars. They girls couldn’t afford it. She stuffed the beautiful thongs back in her backpack. Why? She thought the girls would surely buy them.

After gym class she found that she was missing a few thongs; not all of them, but just a few. That hurt a little. She had it tough for the rest of the day. She never told her mom.

She was invited to one of her friend’s birthday party and told her mom about it. Her mom gave her thongs to gift the friend.

She soon forgot about the stealing and humiliation. Instead she herself wore the thongs in tenth grade because granny kept them coming. She fell in love. She wore thongs throughout her better years of her life, like during high school, parties, and after she dropped out of college. No matter what! Even though she dropped out of college, and her grandmother stopped supplying her mom with clothes years ago, she now buys her own thongs. There’s nothing better, she thinks to herself. Others must know.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Pharmacist Chess

She was a hard worker. She didn’t expect to get pregnant, but she did. She was sure she was safe and protected, even though she didn’t use condoms. We knew that the arms of the man she loved were safe. He was strong and brave. He never let anybody know if he had a problem and he sure as heck didn’t want the love of his life to throw in the towel in his new relationship, if he did show signs of mental ailment. See, he had a child from a previous relationship and so did this girl. He loved his son very much. He adored the new addition to the family. He thought nothing could get better.  That is, he expected love, compassion, loyalty, and success. He held her to the highest standard and she made her life a living hell to meet those expectations. She was gold. He was hot. And the kids, well, they all enjoyed each other’s company.

She took a break from her job as a pharmacy technician, to take care of her soul. She had problems with coworkers that caused so much stress that she had to see a psychiatrist and specialists to get medicated. She loves popping pills. She wasn’t like she was in middle school, unable to swallow pills. She smokes marijuana too to ease the pain in her flesh and bones. She needs the rest of the day to love her. She inspires to be the most of her mind as possible. She wants love. She loves him.

One day she remembered something dark. She thought fondly of herself. She didn’t care about the consequences of her actions, but the pregnancy caught her off guard. She wasn’t sure she was going to be a mother again. She wanted this baby more than anything in her life. So when her sister kicked the back of the Lazy Boy she was sitting on, she did not hesitate to cause a scene that resulted in the detention of her sister. She was held on a 72 hour legal hold. She was later in and out of other hospitals, seeking treatment; she landed firmly on the ground, with a life revolving around psych outpatient appointments. She got word from the birds, the sun, and the moon that she will someday return to work and apologizes for overreacting during the pregnancy. She wants the re-entry into society to be as smooth and fitting as possible; since she’s been out of work for more than half a year and her sister, more than two.

She takes into account the ghost she made to cast a shadow. She sparked God’s interests. She believes her sister will help her socialize further. She got so much please from the birth of her youngest baby that she wanted everyone to be on the same page and this meant everyone being as healthy as possible. She just wanted romance. Instead her sister gave her crazy, bipolar, and schizophrenia. When she figured out romance was out of the picture, she struggled, but she nipped it in the bud. Her sister will no longer destroy the world she created for her love. She wanted all love loops to cease in her presence. She was the only one getting love and giving it. She was serious.

I say, never trust a pharmacist, especially if they live with you to some degree. They influence those around you too quickly; the dominance in dire need to be turned down, for she obliterates your every move. She closes in on you. Your freedom is only freedom when you take medication. Oh, it’s not an amendment? That leaves so many others in a box, to take or be held accountable with a mental health disorder. These two girls continue being medicated. They both love each other. But there’s still an unsettling feeling in the sister’s stomach that doesn’t sit well. She wants more. She needs money. It’s hard for her to get a job. She wants children. Her friends are far away. She missed her phone which she loved so much. And such a loss only meant that the queen would be out of the game.

Her love knows all of this. So do her sister’s.

Goodnight Angel

Angel,
Where are your wings?
Are they digital?
Can I follow you?
Can you follow me?
I need you to breathe.
I know it seems silly, but when you're near I feel.
I feel and fear.
I like to think I'm freed.
I dream of cold air next to my soft pillow, wet with tears only God can connect to.
I'm in a digital age, my net reaches but I'm unlimited like you.
One day by day you'll just stare and agree.
Goodnight Angel.
Goodnight.

By:Brandy Ruiz