What will happen to the animals on Mars?

Drain the earth

And live on Mars?

What will happen to the animals?

How would they be fed?

The sick cannot be buried on Mars!

Ashes

Ashes

A pretty piece for your home

What will happen to the earth?

How could you live on a planet so cold?

Dirt

Dirt

Visitors astonished by the work

The planet Earth is just a curtain closed

Mars is the new home

I'm early to worry

Or late to see

Worry

Worry

On a route to Mars

What generation will make it there?

The richest have plans to leave us

Their network left behind

Because not everyone is rich enough

More order or a zoo?

What will happen to the animals on Mars?

By: Brandy Ruiz

What About You?

What about you? Where's the shit?

Fists put away neck full of diamonds

Rings showing love or possession

Anger rises detention climbing

My soul done to gain some cheese

Every time I spit

Crime surprises

Hands closed to a fist

What about you?

Where's the shit?

You wear the shoes

T-Shirts earned respect

Crazy like a mf

There's a command I'm afraid of

I would have regrets

I will never be in your shoes at all

I swallow my pride

Like a gay guy

Scared of designing time

A beating heart on my mind

And that's how I want it to be

What about you? Where's the shit?

By: Brandy Ruiz

Kinda Hard

Yeah you know

I pop my pills

I do it right all-day

You know I’m out of control

Schizophrenic but I’m not stupid

Don’t trip

I’m sorry God

I’m stunned and ruthless

Do you got some time to kill

What to do?!

Can I be a good friend?

Will this friend hear me?

I think he’s just as insane as me

And based on his rap I think

He dug real deep

A man-made from her light

A creature of the night

A nightmare if he wants to fight

I want his love

God this friend of mine is sad

Can you make him happy?

You might get mad

But can I have your autograph?

That’d be awesome.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Story Time God

Can I make it a story?

My dad works hard

A hustler

My mom says pay the bills

The lord is always with us

Shake it off

She may be being sincere

I wish God would listen

Listen to this person

Mostly at night when I can’t breathe

Have him pay the bills

Show mercy

My feelings are spirited

To see what happens

No mercy

I’m still living life

So scurry

Can I have it?

I don’t want to die yet

I know I’m a bad habit

I know you know it happens

But I’m scared

Not even a hug will help my heart

I think he has me in the palm of his hands

No mercy

My God

By: Brandy Ruiz

This Is How I Start

Fuck a cigarette smoker

twist my finger to him

Just for fun

still 420 friendly

it ain’t wrong

smile at the joker

life so vicious twists my brain

and parents saying wash the dishes

Driving me insane

my voice causing laughter 

anger

suspicion

Disaster

Fuck the distance

Words come out

blurt them out

a girl with many wishes

leave the penny pinching to the bums in their niches

call it like it is bitches

tell my story with some truth 

I’m acting my age too

but I’m still trapped with many things to do

feeling like I’m extra hella thirsty and I can’t move

or eat

must be the meds making me sick with fear

ew

Heartless

My butterflies gone

Where’s the karma coming from?

Where’s the proof?

voices in my ear

Oooo

they bringing me a tease

living a regular life is not for me

It’s not my fate

I’m irate

I bring fire to your body

boiling your blood insane

welcome to my ghetto

Only a few know me

Who’s next?

my fate will be money

money honey

Let me explain

Yeah I’m broken and broke

I’ll play with my head

Ignore the voices expressions

Acting too busy for em

It’s like a phone call I won’t answer

I regret not picking up

I’m stuck sitting in this chair

Clouded from taking the time to write.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Confession

Fuck!

I slip into a memory

I’m a go back

The walls turned black

I felt my feelings were trapped

developing complications like this fuckin rap

Negotiating with trolls

I’m numb

and I’m feeling kinda sad

dumb

from their blows

I sigh but it’s alright

I’m gonna show

to the top

yeah!

To the top

that demon tugs

trying to drop me

I scream to stop

playful heaven in hell and doors locked

what’s on the other side?

I’m full of luck

I already died

I’m behind those doors

goodnight

stuck

it ain’t a party every night

I was so stoked

I felt the love

Don’t pull a prank on me

God

Um 

I messed up

No where to go

I need a come up

My life has changed because of Corona Virus

That Covid-19 in 2021 is no joke

Life can be unfair

But ima play with the blows.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Listening to 6ix9ine on Soundcloud

 Listening to 6ix9ine

https://soundcloud.com/discover/sets/personalized-tracks::brandy-ruiz-533340525:345948473

Megan Thee Stallion - Cry Baby (feat. DaBaby) [Official Video]

The ending made me think of possessed toys. This song is tighttt

Coffee

I don't usually clean at all. I only cook dinner for the house and lunch sometimes. But today I drank a cup of coffee and did two loads of laundry. I opened the vacuum my sister shipped to us and vacuumed the living room. I drank another cup of coffee and Swiffered the kitchen and did some dishes. I'm going to make Broccoli and Beef for dinner in an hour. I feel great. I don't normally drink coffee, at all. But since seeing my mom and dad drink coffee more than ever before, I decided to try it. I don't want to exceed and get too into it, but it's delicious. I didn't babysit my cup of Joe. I drank it quickly, hot. It's the bomb. My sister tried to get me into coffee when I was living with her, but she only bought me cold coffee. I drank it and kinda, really, did not like it. I didn't know I liked it hot. I mean, I've drank coffee before, rarely, and didn't enjoy the high, but today I got wired enough to know I like it.

WEED XD

Weed Life Might Continue

Hasty smoke leaving my mouth

My lungs want more

What shall I do?

I inhale deeply

I exhale harder or slowly sometimes

Depending on the mood,

I want to enjoy my time

My Schizophrenia has me down

My depression is present

So I'm doubling down

I want to enhance my healing

One day leave my body behind

But not yet,

I'm continuing.

By: Brandy Ruiz

WEED XP

Maybe it was because when I was younger, I tried weed but when I was younger, I did smoke marijuana and I loved the feeling. I wasn't an everyday smoker. I only tried it a few times and I also did other drugs that I will not mention at this point, but might. Weed might be the reason for my adult life to be erratic and triggered by psychosis that evolved into this Schizophrenia. I like to rock with the music. It's been my rock. Family next. Honestly, I've been trapped aside from the hiding about cuz of the pandemic. I understand the dangers, but it's not bad at all to want to go outside and want to meet with people you met online. Isn't that normal?  Since being stuck in this pandemic, I've been riding it calmly, and maybe that's why I want to go outside. So what does that do to my Schizophrenia, besides making me spell wrong, why am I blaming my Schizophrenia on my typing? It's because of the distractions. I'm easily distracted. I talked with my Psychologist and I told her that I might have a mild form of ADD and she said I probably wasn't. So my days and nights are plagued by racing thoughts. These thoughts are those of rage, hate, and jealousy. It's hard for me to get attracted to studying. I've stopped reading anything for a few months. After dropping out I had trouble focusing I focus all my anger on the television. I blamed the network. I blamed my family and I abused my use of the kitchen. I gained weight. I received a gift last year 2020. It was a marijuana bundle. I had cartridges with batteries, joints, baby jars of weed and happiness. I played games with my head prior to those weeks it took me to smoke the weed. I haven't been journaling about my journey because of the distractions caused by my Schizophrenia. Thank God I don't get paranoid. Today the feeling is great. It's a slapoff sometimes, but I'm a fighter and I kick ass maneuvering through the words and phrases, cultures, and societal as well as house behavior and rules. I end up in a kiss ass zone. I just almost burned the rice. Orange rice. I'm looking for permission to keep using marihuana medically for my Schizophrenia. To help me heal. I know THC is bad but my dad says I can't be a smoker. I just started, as of earlier this week, trying CBD gummies with low THC, but that's not enough for me. I want to party. I feel like the psychosis was cause by being tripped out due to smoking marihuana in college and having friends. There's the thing. I had friends and a friendly yet competitive environment that made it easy to have fun, listen to new songs and familiar one, with a great chance to get laid. My mother just left the house to pick up my dad from work. I forgot to cook! I'm putting tortillas in hot oil just lightly cooked for the "Enchiladas Swissas", as my mom calls it. It's chicken, onion, and black pepper stuffed in a tortilla and topped with cheese and green sauce. "BOMBSKIES". I mean to say "delicious". I come back from prepping tonight's dinner and remember I ate shredded chicken with diced onion that is coated in black pepper. I seek to find a solution to my situations; My psychotic episodes and my state of mind. I want to be surrounded by love. I want joyful moments. I want to heal these scars and wounds. Literally, I may be scarred. I'm jumping through hoops and facing my problems face to face. This may make me aggressive. I know it's the environment that making me this way. This includes my family. I want to smoke CBD, chew CBD gummies, eat THC candy, and have a fun time with the rest of my life. Schizophrenia has took over my life. So, has my Diabetes. I have an appointment to see a surgeon to have Weight Loss Surgery. My life is looking up. And depression at the same time due to me lack of THC is looking up as well. This is not a good thing. The anti-depression meds should start working if I had them approved faster. I'm taking a total of eleven medications to cover me fully, physically and mentally. This is my update to the world.