WEED XP

Maybe it was because when I was younger, I tried weed but when I was younger, I did smoke marijuana and I loved the feeling. I wasn't an everyday smoker. I only tried it a few times and I also did other drugs that I will not mention at this point, but might. Weed might be the reason for my adult life to be erratic and triggered by psychosis that evolved into this Schizophrenia. I like to rock with the music. It's been my rock. Family next. Honestly, I've been trapped aside from the hiding about cuz of the pandemic. I understand the dangers, but it's not bad at all to want to go outside and want to meet with people you met online. Isn't that normal?  Since being stuck in this pandemic, I've been riding it calmly, and maybe that's why I want to go outside. So what does that do to my Schizophrenia, besides making me spell wrong, why am I blaming my Schizophrenia on my typing? It's because of the distractions. I'm easily distracted. I talked with my Psychologist and I told her that I might have a mild form of ADD and she said I probably wasn't. So my days and nights are plagued by racing thoughts. These thoughts are those of rage, hate, and jealousy. It's hard for me to get attracted to studying. I've stopped reading anything for a few months. After dropping out I had trouble focusing I focus all my anger on the television. I blamed the network. I blamed my family and I abused my use of the kitchen. I gained weight. I received a gift last year 2020. It was a marijuana bundle. I had cartridges with batteries, joints, baby jars of weed and happiness. I played games with my head prior to those weeks it took me to smoke the weed. I haven't been journaling about my journey because of the distractions caused by my Schizophrenia. Thank God I don't get paranoid. Today the feeling is great. It's a slapoff sometimes, but I'm a fighter and I kick ass maneuvering through the words and phrases, cultures, and societal as well as house behavior and rules. I end up in a kiss ass zone. I just almost burned the rice. Orange rice. I'm looking for permission to keep using marihuana medically for my Schizophrenia. To help me heal. I know THC is bad but my dad says I can't be a smoker. I just started, as of earlier this week, trying CBD gummies with low THC, but that's not enough for me. I want to party. I feel like the psychosis was cause by being tripped out due to smoking marihuana in college and having friends. There's the thing. I had friends and a friendly yet competitive environment that made it easy to have fun, listen to new songs and familiar one, with a great chance to get laid. My mother just left the house to pick up my dad from work. I forgot to cook! I'm putting tortillas in hot oil just lightly cooked for the "Enchiladas Swissas", as my mom calls it. It's chicken, onion, and black pepper stuffed in a tortilla and topped with cheese and green sauce. "BOMBSKIES". I mean to say "delicious". I come back from prepping tonight's dinner and remember I ate shredded chicken with diced onion that is coated in black pepper. I seek to find a solution to my situations; My psychotic episodes and my state of mind. I want to be surrounded by love. I want joyful moments. I want to heal these scars and wounds. Literally, I may be scarred. I'm jumping through hoops and facing my problems face to face. This may make me aggressive. I know it's the environment that making me this way. This includes my family. I want to smoke CBD, chew CBD gummies, eat THC candy, and have a fun time with the rest of my life. Schizophrenia has took over my life. So, has my Diabetes. I have an appointment to see a surgeon to have Weight Loss Surgery. My life is looking up. And depression at the same time due to me lack of THC is looking up as well. This is not a good thing. The anti-depression meds should start working if I had them approved faster. I'm taking a total of eleven medications to cover me fully, physically and mentally. This is my update to the world.