Kinda Hard

Yeah you know

I pop my pills

I do it right all-day

You know I’m out of control

Schizophrenic but I’m not stupid

Don’t trip

I’m sorry God

I’m stunned and ruthless

Do you got some time to kill

What to do?!

Can I be a good friend?

Will this friend hear me?

I think he’s just as insane as me

And based on his rap I think

He dug real deep

A man-made from her light

A creature of the night

A nightmare if he wants to fight

I want his love

God this friend of mine is sad

Can you make him happy?

You might get mad

But can I have your autograph?

That’d be awesome.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Story Time God

Can I make it a story?

My dad works hard

A hustler

My mom says pay the bills

The lord is always with us

Shake it off

She may be being sincere

I wish God would listen

Listen to this person

Mostly at night when I can’t breathe

Have him pay the bills

Show mercy

My feelings are spirited

To see what happens

No mercy

I’m still living life

So scurry

Can I have it?

I don’t want to die yet

I know I’m a bad habit

I know you know it happens

But I’m scared

Not even a hug will help my heart

I think he has me in the palm of his hands

No mercy

My God

By: Brandy Ruiz

This Is How I Start

Fuck a cigarette smoker

twist my finger to him

Just for fun

still 420 friendly

it ain’t wrong

smile at the joker

life so vicious twists my brain

and parents saying wash the dishes

Driving me insane

my voice causing laughter 

anger

suspicion

Disaster

Fuck the distance

Words come out

blurt them out

a girl with many wishes

leave the penny pinching to the bums in their niches

call it like it is bitches

tell my story with some truth 

I’m acting my age too

but I’m still trapped with many things to do

feeling like I’m extra hella thirsty and I can’t move

or eat

must be the meds making me sick with fear

ew

Heartless

My butterflies gone

Where’s the karma coming from?

Where’s the proof?

voices in my ear

Oooo

they bringing me a tease

living a regular life is not for me

It’s not my fate

I’m irate

I bring fire to your body

boiling your blood insane

welcome to my ghetto

Only a few know me

Who’s next?

my fate will be money

money honey

Let me explain

Yeah I’m broken and broke

I’ll play with my head

Ignore the voices expressions

Acting too busy for em

It’s like a phone call I won’t answer

I regret not picking up

I’m stuck sitting in this chair

Clouded from taking the time to write.

By: Brandy Ruiz

Confession

Fuck!

I slip into a memory

I’m a go back

The walls turned black

I felt my feelings were trapped

developing complications like this fuckin rap

Negotiating with trolls

I’m numb

and I’m feeling kinda sad

dumb

from their blows

I sigh but it’s alright

I’m gonna show

to the top

yeah!

To the top

that demon tugs

trying to drop me

I scream to stop

playful heaven in hell and doors locked

what’s on the other side?

I’m full of luck

I already died

I’m behind those doors

goodnight

stuck

it ain’t a party every night

I was so stoked

I felt the love

Don’t pull a prank on me

God

Um 

I messed up

No where to go

I need a come up

My life has changed because of Corona Virus

That Covid-19 in 2021 is no joke

Life can be unfair

But ima play with the blows.

By: Brandy Ruiz