Lucky Break

I came back a monster. I forgot how to live, love, and appreciate that I had a roof over my head. I had food. A bed. A place to live in. I was too impoverished dropping out of college that I fell down a black hole of sorrow, regret and poverty. Financial aid gave me a false sense of security and income. I didn't want to get kissed or hugged. I couldn't speak. I forgot how to love life and the people in it. When I dropped out I was a senior at UC Berkeley. I left school only to find out life is hard; especially if you don't have any money. Life in school went very fast. My ride was easy and steady. That was because my parents worked hard to make sure we would not end up homeless and without an education. My family noticed I was a tad off when they drove about six to eight hours to pick me up from Berkely. I wasn't the same girl. The years after college were difficult. All these years I've been struggling trying to be who my family remembered. For fear of rejection and retribution, I stayed quiet. I cooked. I wrote. I didn't want to be sent back to the mental hospital with the claim that I was as danger to myself or others. I didn't want to go get another evaluation and diagnosis. I've been playing a cruel game. Family is everything. I give hugs, kisses, and love again. That's what I forgot to do when I fell off my high horse. I fell, yes. But I decided to live for the fun stuff of the world. I decided to be a great person with lots of dreams and experiences. I'm choosing to do better. I am a good person.